We are Planning a Wedding for October 31, 2020
Quotes about Depress & Anxiety!
My First Semester Back!
I came back to school in Jan. 2015 as a full-time student. I was also working at LiDestri Foods full-time on the midnight shift. It was hard the first two months, my shift ended at 6:30 am and my first class was at am on M-W-F. I did this for two months, I decided that this was too much for me and quite LiDestri Foods on March 6 and started working for Home Depot part time.
On Sunday March 29, 2015 at 7 pm I received a call from my ex Chip about took my daughter Gretchen to the emergency room because she was still not feeling good. I am getting ready to go out there when he called me back saying that the doctor had asked him when the last time he gave her insulin. When I walked into the room my daughter had IV’s in both her arms and her eyes were rolling back into her head, she was white as a sheet. The doctor followed me in stating that her blood had come back and that her sugar level was 580, that he had a call into Strong Memorial Hospital Children’s Department and that he was waiting for a call back to find out how much insulin to give her. He also said that she will be transported to Strong asap. At this point all I could do is hold Gretchen’s hand. They administered some insulin and fluid. The doctor return saying we had to wait for an ambulance because they had only one that would transfer child because they needed a nurse on it and they just left Geneva General. We had to wait Gretchen need to use the bathroom and couldn’t stand but was unable to go on the bedpan they had given her, because was going in and out and wasn’t able to focus. When the nurse came in to check Gretchen and to let us know that the ambulance coming in to transport her I told Chip we needed to get her on the toilet. I knew that if we didn’t do this she would do it on the way to Strong and she would be embarrassed. We both picked her up and place her on the toilet, she almost fell off. At that every moment it hit me she was going into a diabetic coma. We got her back into bed and the EMT’s came in and started getting her ready for her ride to Strong. Chip would ride with her to the hospital, she had become real close to him in the past couple of years. I hated it but I had to pay the bills.
I would ride up with Chip’s and friend Shelly, I am thankful she was there. We didn’t make it to the exit before the ambulance was gone. When we got to Strong it was quite and dark it was just after midnight. I don’t remember how we got to her room, but we did and Gretchen was talking. That is a good sign! It was nice to have her alert and laughing. “Mom and Aunt Shelly when we got here there were some drunks in the hallway and then we went to the elevator and doors opened and the flickered off and slowly back on. EMT said in a scary voice will wait for the next one. We got up to the floor and doors opened up and I (Gretchen) looked around said scary hallway #1 or scary hallway #2….) God, I love the laugh.
We would learn how to take care of Type 1 Diabetes it was different then Type 2. We all learned the formula for carbs calculation. That she would have to test her blood before every meal, if it sugar was too high or low and so on. I missed a whole week of college but thankfully I had great teachers that help me catch up.
Weight Loss Surgery!
After assisting in putting my brother in jail. He would get 12 years in prison and five years of probation. The DA stated that if; I hadn’t testified that he probeblly would have been able to offer him three to five years.
I was working at Target they were good to me. I applied for different positions while I worked there and was able to move up in the company. I didn’t understand, I worked my butt off and my boss new it. Until one day, some corporate people came in and I looked at every single women that walked out not one of them wore more then a size 2. That’s when I knew I would not move up in the company. I took a job delivering papers for the Democrat and Chronicle. It worked out better for me, Chip and I didn’t need a sitter. I would also work part-time at different retail stores in the evening.
My depression was getting worst. I start using food to make me feel better and I slept a lot, more then I should have. I also gained weight a lot of weight over the next seven years. I went from a size 16W to a size 26W. At 35 I found out when I was a diabetic and high blood pressure. After three years of trying to lose weight. I decide to get Gastric Bypass surgery.
I went to a meeting to learn about the different surgeries that Highland Hospital offered. Then I met with one of the doctors to talk to him about the types surgeries he thought was best for me. My BMI was 47.6% and I weighed 286 at 5’5″ tall. Dr. O’Malley told be about the lap band surgery and th
e gastric bypass surgery. I decided to go with the gastric bypass surgery. I then started the nutrition classes to learn how I should be eating! You would be weighed in every time you went to nutrition classes, I hated it I really hated, they would weigh you in every time you went. After the nutrition classes, I met with a physiologist, she wanted to make sure how the surgery was going to change my life. It was a six month process. Then another meeting with Dr. O’Malley and gave me the surgery date. It was January 9, 2009. I couldn’t wait!
It was the day January 9, I got up at 1 am. I got my work clothing on packed my overnight bag and I was off. It was snowing and cold out, I drove to the warehouse where we picked up the papers and started to deliver them. I had a walking route that meant getting out of my car 130 times. It was about 5:30 am when I went to turn onto my parent’s street and my car stopped right in the middle of the intersection. My tire broke off and I called AAA, but I didn’t let that stop me. I was getting my surgery today!!!
My mom drove me up and my girlfriend Sara followed us. We made it to Highland Hospital at 7:30 am. The nurse came out and took me back to pre-op and weighed me in one last time, I weighed 268 that morning. I changed into my gown and she placed a IV in my forearm. When they brought back my mom and Sara. Sara asked what I was doing I told her I was writing up my route list so that Chip could deliver the papers for me, while recovered from surgery. She laughed and asked are you not worried about this surgery. I was like no, Dr. O’Malley is one of the founders of the surgery in the area. The anesthesiologist doctor was funny and claiming it was about 9:00 am at this point and my mom stated I thought you would be in surgery by now. The anesthesiologist doctor stated I was next. I didn’t care I was still writing the route list up for Chip. At about 10:00 Dr. O’Malley came in and stated that he was sorry that an emergency came in and they had to bump me. I was like okay and kept on with the route list. About 11:30 I was wheeled into the operating room. The anesthesiologist doctor told me to move over to the operating bed and to start to count backwards and I think I got to 7 and I was out. I remember waking up around 5 pm the hospital room. My mom and Sara were talking about the storm we were getting. Mom told Sara that they should leave before it got worst. They kissed me good bye and left. Next time I woke up it was about 7 pm and the nurse told me that I had to start walking so that I would not get blood clots in my legs. I didn’t feel a thing from the surgery the Dr. O’Malley gave me morphine for pain. I had not had a day off in five years, I had not slept like that in years. My stay at the hospital was nice but I just wanted to get home to my bed. Chip and Gretchen didn’t come up to the hospital to see me because of the storm.
So I was happy to come home two days later. I came home to Taylor (Sara’s oldest daughter), who took care of me for two days. I ate a protein shake for every meal for a week and a half.
How to Explain Depression!
I could not explain it any better this is how I feel every day!!!
My Life Before Children!
I meet my ex Chip at Crosman Airguns in Bloomfield I was 20 and he was 24. He asked me out the first day we meet in Aug. of 1992 and would continue to ask me out until I said yes in November. We went to a Monster Truck for our first date and I also meet his parents that night too.
I would move in with him and his parents in January 1993. I was laid off on Christmas Eve because I was a temp. I would go back to work for a short time in March and laid off again. In May I would start Dental Assistant school and collect unemployment, until the December. I would start my assisting career with Dr. Chen in Canandaigua, and would end up quitting because he was not a easy man to get along with and had not respect for me. I would then start working at Ultrafab in Farmington because I did not want to be out of work again. I would work there for four years. Chip would continue to work at Crosman.
Chip would buy a brand new single wide that I was able to pick out everything in it. We would move into it October of 1994 and buy two kittens. In September Chip lets me know that he would like to buy a house and I did not know how to tell him I did not want to. So I let him go on and put our place up for sale, I was thinking that he would change his mind because it would take a while to sale a single wide. I was wrong it was on the market for 4 days and the first person that looked at our place bought it. We only had a month to look for a place and maybe looked at three places before we decided on a foreclosure on Cannan Road. It was a three bed and one bath on one acre of land. It was a cute place that needed updating. Since nobody was living there at the time our realtor asked the bank if we were able to start moving in before Chip signed the papers because we would close on our place weeks before. We started moving in October 31st, 1995.
When Chip final signed the paper work for the house he would find out hours before his job would be eliminated and he would have to take a $1.75 cut in pay if he wanted to stay at Crosman. I started working a second job that fall at JC Penney in the mall. I would work through March of the next year. Chip would not get a second job and would eventually leaving Crosman.
During the Worst Time!
Chip and I were still friends but not a couple. Our cat Dustie became sick on a cold October day. We would have to take Dustie to the vet, he had gotten a virus but would be okay. On the way back from the vet in Macedon I would have to stop at my parents house to use there bathroom. They were visiting my sister in NC. I had a key let myself in I thought it was wired because my older brothers car was in the drive way and he had his step daughter and son for the weekend. I would walk in and her a noise that you would hear only if someone was having sex. At first I was like I didn’t hear that because I was like he has his kids. So I walked downstairs and then I was in shock. It was that sound I flipped out I ran up stairs and ran into the bathroom. I didn’t know what to do or think. I yelled at him and walked out still in shock. I drove back to my house my house in Bloomfield crying and in shock. I called my sister Nicole who lives around the corner from my parents.
I told my sister Nicole what I saw and did. Her husband and her called the police. She also called our ex sister in-law Alain and told her to come for the kids. Alain came and brought the kids to Nicole’s house, I joined them in less then 10 minutes. The police arrived and I told them what had happend . Alain and the children were taken to the hospital for an examination and questioning. They arrested my brother and he went to the police station for question.
This would change the relationship with my family for the rest of my life. My parents drove back from NC. I was question by them and told that I did not see what I saw. They were angry at everything and exceptionally me. For weeks my parents didn’t talk to me. I worked at Target on the overnight shift. If I did not have to talk to the DA or the police, I would sleep from the time I came home from work until Chip came home with dinner and then I would go back to sleep, until I had to back into work. About mid November I started having stomach issues. I was scared, Chip and were not getting along because we got the notice that the bank was foreclosing on the house. I couldn’t handle the pain any more and called my mom to take me to the hospital.
Mom picked me up and took me to the emergency. I put a gown on, gave a urine sample and the Dr. Pitler came in. He would ask me all the normal female questions. They drew blood and he came back in to tell me that I was pregnant. I started to cry and yell at Dr. Pitler they told me I wasn’t able to have children. He just said that I was and needed to call the OBGYN in the morning and not to wear tight jeans, that the baby was growing and that is why I was having stomach issues. My mom took me home and I made her promise not to tell my dad. I didn’t want him to start talking to me because I was pregnant. I had to face my ex and tell him.
I laid down next to him and started to cry into my pillow. The one thing I really wanted was happening during the worst time in my life. He finely asked in a snotty voice “so what’s wrong with you”, I stated back in the same tone “I am Pregnant” and then he said “are you going to get an abortion”? I yelled “No” and fell asleep. The next morning he ask the same thing and I still told him no. Then I said you do not have to be in this child’s life and I will not ask for anything from you.
Life Right Now
I am living in Bloomfield NY with my fiance and our 6 year old daughter Jaunett. We live in a one bed room apartment on top of the Village Office for the past three years. I also have a 15 year daughter Gretchen does not live with me, I am have rules that she does not like. She lives with my ex Chip. They live 10 min away.
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